What Would Jacob Marley Say To Us?

"We forge the chains we wear in life." ~ Charles Dickens

I love this time of year. Back-to-back episodes of "A Christmas Carol" in every format and version. Do you have a favorite? I have to say that I am partial to the 1951 Alastair Sim version. Although I've watched the visit of Jacob Marley's Ghost many times, it really caught my attention this time around. I couldn't help but wonder what Marley might say to us about the chains that we have forged.

I'm not necessarily talking about the same chains Ebenezer Scrooge "labored on". Yet, isn't it true that each of us have thoughts and actions -- or lack of -- that are holding us back? Remember that old Ebenezer couldn't see his chains either. But, it doesn't mean they weren't there. So, what are the chains that we've labored on these many years? An honest self-evaluation might reveal a few surprises.

The truth is, all of us have limiting beliefs. In my business, we often refer to these as FUDS -- Fears, Uncertainties, Doubts, and Suspicions. And, while it is quite natural to have them, very few of us really ever find the courage to test their validity. Don't get me wrong, some of our fears and beliefs are real and we need to give heed. But, if we're honest with ourselves -- a trait we highly prize in others -- we'll find that some of what we believe just isn't true. Experience and the thoughts and encounters of our past often have a way of robbing us of future happiness, joy, and success.

We've felt the sting of failure or rejection. Somebody laughed at our dream and we somehow decided they knew more about us than we did and we laid it aside. We may have been told that we'll never amount to anything and then we promptly went about proving it. Truth is, words have power; but fortunately it is a two-way street. I recently heard leadership guru Orrin Woodward talk about this very subject. He basically said that it is not necessarily what happens to us that determines the outcome, but rather the story that we keep telling ourselves. Think about that for a moment. Can you relate? I sure could.

The reality is, the event happened once -- but we've replayed it over and over so many times in our mind that we've accepted it as truth. We've let the negative words sink in and take hold. If there were no words, we found our own -- and we continued to chew on them until they took root in our mind. But again, there is a two-way street and we can change our direction. How? By changing the story we tell ourselves. By facing the brutal reality of any situation and taking personal responsibility for the outcome, we can change the story. When we are no longer shackled by playing the blame game or weighed down by our pity parties, we really can take positive steps toward our own reformation.

Marley came to speak truth to a friend and it started a process of positive change. Fortunately, there are people who are still with us who can fill the role. There are others who can then come and help us come to grips with our past, present and future. People, who like Marley have found that mankind is our business. These people come in the form of pastors, mentors, coaches, teachers, and our dearest friends. Don't make them come looking for you. Seek them out while there is still time. 

What would Jacob Marley say to you? What painful truth would be revealed? Others may choose to continue to wear their chains. They will most likely continue to labor on them, increasing the weight until they cannot move any further. But, what about you? What decision will you make in regard to the past and its FUDS? What is the story that you will tell yourself? Today is the day to write a new script for your life.

As Tiny Tim would say: "God bless us, every one!"

 

Change -- An Inside Job

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility in the realm of faith and morals.” ~ Albert Schweitzer

If the tragic events of this past Friday teach us anything at all, it may very well be a clear call for change. Not external change or the "somebody oughta do something" change, but the most difficult change of all -- personal change.

Several years ago, I attended a Men's Retreat at which Kerry L. Skinner previewed and taught from his great workbook; The Heart of the Problem. In the introduction to that weekend, Kerry said something that has stuck with me all these years. He said: "The heart of the problem is the heart is the problem." A simple, yet profound statement that came to my mind as I watched the news coverage of the tragic shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.

I realize much has been said, and it is likely there will be much more said in the days and weeks ahead. It is not my intent to try to explain or even make a slight degree of sense as to what happened. The truth is, I have no answers -- I don't believe anyone has any real answers. Any attempts to explain or affix blame really don't seem to make a lot of sense.

However, what is clear to me is the need for a very real discussion about personal responsibility and standards of conduct that are not only self-imposed, but carefully cultivated through intentional study and modeled behavior. We talk so much about creating a world that is better for our children and grandchildren. Today, our discussion must center on how we can keep them safe in places where there should be no hint of threat to their safety. Our schools and homes should be such a place. Yet, recent history reveals that nothing may be further from the truth. Why?

Again, I don't have the one true answer. But is it possible for us to turn off the influences of violence that have overtaken the culture? I fear that today's very realistic video games, movies and television shows are glorifying such violence and by constant exposure anesthetizing our repulsion of it -- an maybe finding a place in our heart. We may not intend to carry out such acts ourselves, and clearly know the difference between fantasy and reality -- but is this true universally? 

Permanent change does not come overnight, nor will it be easy. But I believe if we will each be a party of one, we can collectively make a difference. First, by turning off the violent and negative influences in our own lives. Second, by replacing these influences with uplifting and life-changing information that can challenge our thinking and alter our behavior and habits. Third, by making a commitment to surround ourselves with like-minded people who are equally committed to making a difference. Fourth, by modeling the behavior and mentoring others who will inevitably be drawn by the influence we've placed on our own lives.

It does no good to blame others if we are not willing to take personal responsibility. I trust that we will do so -- and do so soon. Your comments are always welcome.

p.s. As I finished this missive, I saw a great post by my dear friend, mentor, and LIFE business partner; Marc Militello. Take a moment and read it. Just click on his name.

Are You Mining For Gold?

"The desire of gold is not for gold. It is for the means of freedom and benefit." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not long ago, I ran across one of the countless reality series that now seem to define entertainment television -- Gold Rush. I can see where the attraction to such a program may develop. Basically, a couple groups of regular-guys are up in Alaska mining for gold and hoping to hit the pay-dirt that will change their lives forever. Certainly, it is a fantasy or desire that, if we're honest with ourselves, most of us share. But how many of us are willing to actually risk everything we have and head to the wilderness to find that elusive gold?

It isn't a matter of whether the gold is actually there. History, along with scientific and physical testing proves it is there. It may take a little work and effort to find it, but every reasonable indication says that it's there and waiting to be found. Perhaps the real issue is that we really don't know how to do it, or what to look for -- and we may not recognize the gold even if we found it. Why? Because it may not look like what we expect it to look like.

I must admit that I thought gold was found only in the form of nuggets and large rocks. I was under the impression that as the miners dug it up; this totally recognizable and gleaming gold nugget would appear. As I watched the show, I learned the reality was far different -- at least in this type of mining. In truth, the crew works together as a team --some more knowledgeable and experienced than others -- to move and wash thousands of yards of dirt and rocks to find what is really, in proportion, just a few specks of gold.

The investment in time, equipment and fuel is staggering. Yet success is measured in finding ounces or fractions of ounces of tiny gold flakes. In fact, an entire week's work resulted in harvesting a gold product that could fit in a small jar and be held in the palm of your hand. However, that seemingly insignificant jar of flecks and flakes represented more than $100,000 in cash -- and it was just a fraction of what was possible going forward.

So are the miners looking for gold to put in jars and be admired by all who see it? Absolutely not! As Emerson indicates in the above quote, it is not the gold, but what the gold can do for us that makes the difference. The gold is exchanged for financial freedom and the choices that freedom brings.

But, the truth is, we don't have to go to Alaska to find literal gold. The means to our freedom, financially and otherwise, is right in front of us. However, like the gold flakes, we have to know what we're looking for and then move and wash a whole lot of dirt and rocks to find it. I believe that useful, life-changing information is the gold we seek. But, I also believe it is hidden in the mountains and landslides of mostly useless information that bombards us daily.

Our job is to dig through the pile and with the help of someone who has more knowledge, experience, and results, find the treasure that is there. We need to find the discipline to read and think for ourselves. We need to turn off other influences and allow useful information, in the form of CDs, seminars, and carefully selected mentors and role-models an opportunity to change our thinking and change our lives. I am so proud to be associated with so many people who are dedicated to these principles and are committed to changing lives and seeking the true gold that brings true freedom. What is the LIFE you'd like to live?

Drop me a note. I'd love to chat with you and hear your thoughts about what freedom means to you.